Monday, September 28, 2009


Luder took me to Morton's with my parents and some friends. That was wonderful, then after he surprised me with a private chartered canal cruise. It was a beatiful. As we cruised through the city on the night of my birthday, my loved ones took turns sharing memories and making toasts to me and my life. There were lots of laughs and some tears. I am so grateful for my friends and family.

I turned 30 this weekend. There is something weird that happens as you turn 30. You think more about where you are in life, where you have been and where you are going. Some take it harder than others. I was somewhat distracted with my new baby but I want to share my greatest accomplishments of these, my 30 years.
Not necessarily in order of importance, so please no emails about that.

Great Accomplishments

A Happy Marriage in the temple to someone that I can't live without
Three beautiful children, all who Luder and I have put first in life since the day they were born
Having my family all be my best friends
A college degree
A healthy physical body, emotional state and a testimony of Jesus Christ
Buying our first home and decorating it frugally
Learning to cook (so what if it's not gourmet)
Wonderful friends who I truly enjoy and love
The ability and desire to express my feelings to those I love without reservation
Learning how to maintain a home-interior and exterior-including the landscape
Becoming organized
Snow skiing, water skiing and pilates
Appreciation for nature-I need to be outside like a drug
Traveling Internationally
Great negotiating skills (especially with car salesmen and Luder :)
Realizing and maintaining perspective
Giving most people at most times the benefit of the doubt

There are more but what matters most to me are the relationships I have with the people that I love, my husband, children, mom, dad, brother, family and friends. Sometimes I think of life from the end looking toward today. My greatest wish would be that everyone who I loved would know it and they would know how much I wanted them to be happy.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Trials and Triumphs

Scott about to go into the MTC in Provo, Utah to prepare for his two year full-time mission.

After Scott's farewell sacrament meeting at Mom's house.

My boys, always with their "triumphant" little spirits.

Declan at one month old.

I never knew that one could have so many extreme emotions until recently. Sure, I knew that postpartum women were crazy and that life is full of ups and downs, trials and triumphs. I feel like this past month has been the craziest month of my life. I don't even know where to start. We had the wonderful birth of our third son. Triumph. Delivery was easy, everyone was happy and taken care of, all was well. We get home from the hospital and throughout the first 16 days of Declan's life, I feel like I am in the fight of my life. Declan had a hard time learning to eat, so he wouldn't latch to breastfeed. I worked with him day and night, had lactation specialists helping. I took him into the doctor, all the while he was losing weight. About a week after he was born, I knew something was wrong. Luder had returned to work and I was alone with the baby. The boys were at Patti's. I took Declan in to see the nurses and get help. I left the lactation office (a part of the hospital) in tears but with a plan. I was in tears because they said that I had to start pumping and supplementing with breastmilk and formula. I was in tears because they said that my baby was "the kind of baby that would go home and silently starve to death" if I wasn't careful. All this was out of love and concern but it was hard to hear. I cried because I didn't know how I would do the hour and a half ordeal that they wanted me to do every 3 hours. How was I going to take care of our other children when I couldn't even find the time to sleep, eat or pee? I knew that the only way that this would work out was if there was a miracle. I got a blessing, Declan got a blessing, we got a few actually. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed more. I learned that there is more than believing when it comes to faith.
I was blessed to have so many loved ones, helping with the boys. I had great sisters from church bringing me meals, calling and showing love. My husband helped so much. I don't know what I would have done without Luder, Mom and Patti.
So, while all of this is going on, my little brother is scheduled to go on a mission. We have a big party planned, a special sacrament meeting at church and a farewell at the airport at 6 am on Tuesday August 18th. Triumph. My brother is the first person to serve a mission on either side of my family. I am so proud of him. I wasn't expecting some of the emotions that came with seeing him walk away for two years. Trial.
This same week our air conditioning goes out and our van goes in the shop. Trial. Somehow, we made it through. Triumph.
This all was a couple of weeks ago. Now the baby is eating, Scott is sending us the most remarkable letters ever and I am staring kindergarten in the face. I will send my first baby to kindergarten tomorrow. I don't know if I have even had the time to realize what that means. Maybe that is a blessing. All these things are triumphs.
I feel like life is moving at a much more rapid pace than the usual exhaustingly rapid one. Things are piling up and it's ok. Triumph. I know what is important and what isn't important "will still be there when I am dead and gone" as Nan used to always say. I now know that she meant that all these unimportant things will be here for us but those important moments won't always.