Everytime I prepare to give birth, I feel a very similar way. I feel so many emotions. We joke that the hormones are responsible for these intense feelings. I would argue that while that is true, there is so much more to it.
To be a witness of a miracle so personal, so humbling and so tender is hard to explain. Sometimes I am overwhelmed, that I might be a part of God's plan. The plan he has to create life, to increase families and their capacity to love. Women learn as they suffer through the wild ride of pregnancy to love the suffering because of the beauty that it ultimately brings. The pain of labor turns into a special memory that binds couples together.
As I prepare for this baby boy to come to me and to us, it feels like a rolling river of emotion building inside. All emotions are felt. Anxiety, humility, fear, complete joy, impatience, patience, reflection, deep love for my husband, children and especially for those who have gone before me. There is a closeness to God that I have never felt before.
After a time of preparing for our sons, working so hard day and night, there is a time when I slow down. I feel time is getting close, I begin to envision the moment when I meet him and hold him for the first time in my arms. It comes naturally to begin to listen to more calming and meaningful music. To look for the light in the world, to begin to think about the protection from the world that I want to offer my newborn son.
Hallelujah. Praise God for this miracle. Praise God for letting me be a part and for blessing me with health and strength and those sacred moments to reflect and catch a glimpse of the Father's love for us.